DBS Reacts to DBZ Abridged
by MythMaker258
Summary: After the Tournament of Power, Goku and friends enjoy the momentary peace they've been awarded. However, Zeno comes to Earth bearing a gift, a collections of videos from another world: Dragon Ball Z Abridged!
1. Prologue

**Hi, everyone! I'm back and came up with this fic while reading some Yugioh reacts to Yugioh Abridged fics like the White Room or TGOTAS Reactions. Anyways, I'll just say that I own nothing and you should really check out the original content. Dragon Ball Abridged belongs to Team Four Star and if you want to know who owns Dragon Ball itself, just watch the first few moments of any Dragon Ball Abridged episode and look for yourself.**

**Anyways, let's begin.**

It was a peaceful day on Earth, the Tournament of Power has just ended and both of the Zenos had restored the multiverse to its original state. The Z Warriors themselves were taking a much needed vacation: Bulma had bought Android 17 and his family tickets for a luxury cruise liner around the world, Piccolo was taking a small vacation on Monster Island and filling in for Android 17, Goku was at his farm hard at work with his family, Vegeta and his family were on the cruise with Android 17, Krillin had taken some time off of work to simply be with his family, Buu had finally woken up but was sad to have disappointed Mr. Satan, Gohan and Videl were simply being with Pan, and finally Frieza had flown off into space somewhere. Beerus and Whis had went back to Beerus's world (after taking several sample platters of Earth's delicacies) and the Kais had gone back to their world. Yes, everything was peaceful….

Until today of course.

"Goku!" Chichi cried, snuggling up to her husband. "I'm so glad you're back. And you finally finished the harvest and selling everything!"

"Aw, it was nothing!" Goku said, scratching his head but grinning. "Compared to fighting Jiren or Kefla, this was easy!"

Goten pouted. "I wanted to see the tournament fight!"

Chichi glared at her son. "How many times have I told you? You need to study so you can get a real job like your brother!"

"Aw, Chichi, lay off him," Goku reasoned. "I mean-"

"Not another word, Goku," Chichi snapped, scaring the Saiyan. "I don't want to hear it. Goten really needs to stu-"

Suddenly, a flash of light happens in the middle of the room, with five people appearing, gods. The most notable was the strange purple cat that stood on hind legs. This was Beerus, the God of Destruction. The two other purple entities were more humanoid, being the Supreme Kai and the Elder Kai. To Beerus's right side was a tall blue humanoid who floated in red robes, holding a staff, Whis, Beerus's Angel attendant. Behind Whis seemed to be a smaller version of him, Whis's father, the High Priest and Grand Minister of Zeno.

"Hello, Saiyan," Beerus greeted, a nervous sweat on his face.

"Lord Beerus!" Goku shouted excitedly. "Are you and Whis coming all this way to train me?"

"Goku!" Chichi nagged.

"Can I come too?" Goten bounced up and down, just as excited by the prospect of training.

"No, Goku," Whis sighed, "we aren't here to train. Rather..."

Whis moved his staff, the orb on top lighting up. Instantly, two small beings appeared, the Zeno of this timeline and the Zeno of the future one.

"Goku!" both small god-kings cried.

"Hey, Zennies?" Goku waved. "What do you guys need?"

"We wanted to give you a present!" Mirai Zeno said.

"So we had your Supreme Kai get the Super Dragon Balls again and made a wish using the Time Ring!" the other Zeno continued. "We wished to get you the funniest thing ever!"

"And it gave us these!" Mirai Zeno finished.

The Grand Minister waved his wand and instantly a flash drive appeared. Goku picked it up and carefully inspected it.

"What is it?" Goku asked.

"A flash drive?" Chichi asked.

"We want you and all your friends to see it, every member of Universe 7's team and their friends!" Both of the god-kings smiled happily. "That way you all can enjoy it."

"Wow, Zennies, thanks!" Goku smiled. "I'll call the others and we can have a viewing party! You wanna come? There will be snacks and stuff!"

The two sadly shake their heads. "Maybe later, Goku. We have to do some things. Bye bye!"

And just like that, the communication ended.

Goku inspects the flash drive. "Sounds like fun! We're having a viewing party!"

"Viewing party?" Beerus asked.

"Yeah! I can get Dende to let us do it on his tower! We can have snacks and other stuff! Wanna come, Lord Beerus?" Goku smiled.

"Snacks?" Beerus excitedly beams.

"Well, we were already planning on going," Whis smiles, excited about all of the delicious earth treats as well. "Grand Zeno wanted all members of Universe 7's team to watch it, along with their friends and family. That includes us."

"This is gonna be awesome!" Goten smiles, flying high up. "I'm going to tell Trunks!"

And at high speeds, Goten flies straight out of the house towards his best friends house.

"Goten, wait! There's still studying that needs to be done!" Chichi cried, chasing after him.

Goku laughs. "Well it looks like Goten will get the word out!"

Beerus nods. "I'll go to your planet's Guardian to make some arrangements. Tell Bulma to bring the best foods she can get her hands on. Come on, Whis."

"Yes, my lord," Whis said, teleporting him and Beerus away.

With the God of Destruction and the angel attendant gone, the Grand Minister smiles at Goku.

"I wish you all pleasant tidings in your journey," the Grand Minister bowed, before teleporting away with the Supreme Kai, who waved goodbye.

Goku smiled. This was going to be awesome.

**And done. Sorry if this seems a little strangely made but I've never done a Dragon Ball fanfiction and this is a bit new to me. Anyways, hope you enjoy and episode one begins next chapter.**


	2. Episode 1

**Hello, everyone! MythMaker258 back with the newest chapter of DBS Reacts to DBZ Abridged! Yay! So sorry I haven't been available but I've had other things to attend to. Now, I don't own anything, blah blah disclaimer blah blah. Now onto response to comments:**

**To GXAL: Thanks. I have real hopes for this fanfic.**

**To Guest that commented on February 9: Yeah, after reading a bunch of Yugioh reacts to Yugioh Abridged fanfics, I decided this would be thing.**

**To goodyfresh: True. So true. **

**To Didact Brainiac 99 and thewittywhy: Oh, thanks for the compliment. I'll try to make this great.**

**To CyberDragonEX: I've been waiting for this type of plot for years after reading other "characters reacts to their own abridged version" fanfics.**

**Anyways, let's start the fic already. God, I'm so excited!**

Goku sat excitedly on the couch inside the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, bouncing in his seat.

"This is going to be so fun!" he exclaimed.

"Goku, act your age," Chichi scolded. "You have to set an example to the children."

Goku looks to his side at Goten and Trunks, who are also bouncing in their seat. Goku chuckles nervously. "Oh, come on, Chichi! It's alright. Just trying to have fun."

Chichi sighed with Bulma patting on her back sympathetically.

"I feel your pain," the richest woman on Earth said.

"I know," Chichi said. "So when are the others coming?"

Then, by pure coincidence, both Beerus and Whiz appeared in the room in a flash of light. Dende and Mr. Popo gave a little bow to both of them.

"Welcome to our home, Lord Beerus," they said nervously.

"It's good to be here, Guardian," Beerus growled. "Do you have refreshments?"

"Oh, it's over here," Bulma quickly interrupted. She led the God of Destruction and his angel attendant to the buffet, where they quickly grabbed their share.

"Delicious," Beerus smiled as he grabbed a bowl of popcorn and other goodies. "This popcorn is salty and delicious. Completely wonderful!" He turned to his attendant. "Oh, Whiz, let the others out now."

"Of course, my lord," Whiz said, his staff spinning around and emitting light. Suddenly, a large group of people fell to the ground.

"Ouch!"

"Where am I?"

"Oh, hell. I'm on Earth again."

"Lord Beerus?"

"Good day, everyone," Lord Beerus said, still snacking on popcorn. "I've gathered you all here because we've been given a gift by the Omni-King. Apparently, it's a series of videos that are the "funniest thing in all of the multiverse.""

"Wait a minute," Android 17 said annoyed. "I was having dinner with my family. I need to get back to them."

"No need," Dende said. "This is the Hyperbolic Time Chamber."

Android 17's eye raises. "The what?"

"It's a room where time goes faster," Vegeta explained. "We typically used this to train at accelerated paces."

"Actually, we first started using it to train to fight… well you," Goku smiled, rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh, that's how you got as strong as Cell," Android 18 said.

"While all this is fascinating," Beerus said, taking a bit of a chocolate éclair, "let's begin the viewing. Everyone take your seats!"

They all scrambled into comfortable positions as Mr. Popo threw down a capsule containing a large TV, then inserting the CD into it.

**Music rings out as the view of a mountainside appears. The scene changes to a forest where two birds fly around, then to a mountainside and a field where more wildlife can be seen.**

"Well this is quite peaceful," Chichi smiled.

**Suddenly, a large object falls to the Earth, creating a large explosion and scaring away the local birds. A farmer jumped in surprise.**

** Farmer: Oh, God, no! My marijuana patch!**

"I take it back," Chichi deadpans.

"What's mari- marigi- margiuuna…?" Marron attempted to ask.

"Nothing you need to know," Android 18 quickly said, holding her daughter close.

** Farmer: Ahh, I mean, er.… My carrot patch…. Yeah….**

** He quickly got into his car and sped towards the fallen object.**

** Farmer: I'd better do what any sensible middle American would do in this situation… GET MAH GUN!**

Trunks scoffs. "Guns are for sissies!"

Goten nodded in agreement. "Yeah!"

The normal humans look at the boys. "Is it weird that our children think this?" Bulma asked Chichi.

"I've honestly stopped wondering things like this," Chichi sighed.

** The view quickly moves to to a spaceship.**

Frieza and Vegeta blink. "That's…."

"Isn't that one of your minions' spaceships, Frieza?" Beerus asked bored, throwing chips into his mouth.

"Yes, though I don't know whose it is," Frieza nodded.

"It looks familiar," Vegeta said.

**The spaceship opens and a brilliant light shines out, obscuring images as something climbs out.**

** Spaceship: Hello, and welcome to Earth! With open bar.**

** Farmer: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgeh-**

** The image became clearer.**

** Farmer: Er-no! I-it's an alien! HOLY SHIT, IT'S AN ALIEN!**

"I love Sonic the Hedgehog!" the two boys shouted excitedly.

"He's so fast!" Goten beamed.

"But also super tough," Trunks agreed.

"Wait," Goku said. "Is that-"

"Raditz," Vegeta said.

"That name sounds familiar…" Frieza said. "Wasn't he assigned to Vegeta…?"

"Who's Raditz?" Android 17 asked.

"Goku's evil brother," Krillin said. "He died ages ago."

Both Chichi and Gohan's fist tightened at the sight of him.

"Why is Raditz on the screen?" Goku wondered.

"Shut up, Kakarot, and we'll see," Vegeta snapped.

** Raditz: Finally, on this dead planet… w-wait, what the crap? Did Kakarot screw this up?!**

"You had one job…" Vegeta said, staring at Goku, who chuckled nervously.

** Raditz: Oh God damnit, I knew we should have sent Turles.**

Goku blinked. "Turles?"

"A low class Saiyan warrior," Vegeta answered. "I honestly have no idea what happened to him."

** Farmer (thinking): Better think of something cool to say to make him stop**

** Raditz's scanner is shown analyzing the farmer.**

** Farmer: Hey, you!**

** Farmer (thinking): Heh. Genius, farmer. Genius.**

This made everyone laugh.

"That's what he went with!" Yamcha laughed.

"That's just stupid!" Krillin chuckled.

**Raditz: Aw, look at him! He thinks he's people! What's your power level, little human? Five, huh?**

** Farmer (scared): Protect me, gun!**

** The farmer fires at Raditz, who simply catches it.**

"When have guns actually worked on you all?" Bulma asked.

"Um… maybe years ago," Krillin replied.

"I think I may have gotten a light scratch from a burglar a while ago," Goku said.

** Raditz: Hey! No! Bad human!**

** Raditz casually flicks the bullet into the farmer who smashes into his truck.**

** Farmer: Damnit! I voted for Bush!**

** Raditz: Bad. Now get back up and tell me you're sorry.**

** Raditz is met with silence and he quickly realize his mistake. **

** Raditz: Human? Huuuman. *sigh* So this is why Dad said I couldn't keep Appule.**

** The Dragon Ball Z Abridged Theme Song quickly rang, as well as fast images of DBZ scenes.**

"Wait, is that us?" Tien asked. "Why are we there?"

"Is this some sort of retelling?" Gohan wondered.

"Sure seems like it," Whiz said, sipping some tea. "When is this?"

"This happened when I was little," Gohan said. "Raditz kidnapped me and-"

"Hush now," Beerus chastised. "No spoilers."

**Piccolo is then shown standing in a wasteland.**

** Piccolo: Good old wasteland! Yup. Sure is some kickass training!**

Suddenly, Goku became excited at the mention of the word training.

"Training?"

Chichi sighed. "Goku, no."

"Training?"

"I said, no."

"Training?"

"No."

Goku looked down saddened. "Training."

**Piccolo: Damnit, I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace….**

Gohan and Dende each throw an arm around Piccolo, who smiles.

** A MySpace profile page of Piccolo appeared.**

** Piccolo: No new comments, no friend requests, damnit. Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.**

"So, this is definitely fake because I don't even own a device to use social media," Piccolo said.

"Seems like it," Vegeta said, "but I have to wonder who made this."

"Questions for later," Beerus ordered.

** Raditz (calling from far away): Hey, you!**

** Piccolo: What the hell?**

** Raditz: Are you Kakarot? Seriously, if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It's really important!**

Vegeta snorted. "That idiot thought you were Kakarot. He really was an idiot."

** Raditz lands and scans Piccolo.**

** Raditz: Oh, wait a second. You're nor Kakarot. My bad!**

** Piccolo: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like so many other people.**

Everyone chuckled except Vegeta and Frieza, who sighed at Raditz's incompetence.

**Raditz: Oh, a smartass huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack! DOUBLE SUN-**

** Suddenly the screen went gray.**

** ?: No.**

"What's this?" Chichi asked.

"Not sure," Master Roshi said.

** Raditz: Huh?**

** ?: Give me the mike!**

** Raditz: What? N-no! Come on, man!**

** ?: Give me! Give me the mic!**

** A screen showing small versions of the Z Fighters, with Goku squaring off with Piccolo.**

"Okay, what exactly is happening here?" Videl asked.

"I honestly have no idea," Gohan replied.

"Are those the voice actors?" Bulma wonders.

** Raditz: But that's the real attack na-**

** ?: NO, IT ISN'T!**

** Raditz: Fine. Here. Take it. I'll just go practice my Vegeta. Ass.**

"Looks like you were right, Mom," Trunks said, with a big grin on his face. He was obviously enjoying the video.

** The screen turns back to Raditz and time slightly rewinds.**

** Raditz (new voice): Then prepare yourself for my signature attack. Keep Your Eye on the Bird- Ooo! A higher power level.**

** Raditz flies off.**

** Piccolo: Hey! What the hell? Weren't you going to kill me?**

** Raditz: Ah. There we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarot are- D'ah, screw it I'll just go and check.**

** Raditz flies off as Piccolo merely watches.**

** Piccolo: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway. Right, Tom?**

** The scene changes to Bulma's ship, with the radio blasting "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." Bulma quickly lands her ship on Master Roshi's island.**

"Hey, it's you, Mom!" Trunks exclaimed excitedly.

"Yeah," Bulma said, as she burped Balma. "I see."

** Bulma: Hey! I'm here!**

** Krillin: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!**

Android 17, Android 18, and Vegeta all give Krillin dirty looks while Krillin and Bulma blush, with Krillin wanting to hide.

**Krillin: Hi.**

** Bulma: Oooookaayyyy…. How's it going?**

Bulma smiles. "My reaction entirely."

** Roshi: I'm drinking OJ!**

** A ding rings.**

** Roshi: Now it's apple juice!**

** Another ding rings.**

** Roshi: Now it's beer! Yay, beer!**

Roshi grumbles. "Wish I had that power."

"It does seem useful," Beerus said, thinking on what kind of delicious Earth drinks that could be summoned.

**Roshi takes a gulp of beer.**

** Krillin: So, where's Yamcha?**

** Bulma: I think the bastard's cheating on me!**

Everyone blinks in surprise, with Vegeta giving Yamcha a death glare.

Yamcha stood up, angry. "Bull! I would never have cheated on Bulma! When we were going out, I was a perfect gentleman!"

**Krillin: Why do you say that?**

** The scene changes to a shot of Bulma in a doorway. A silhouette of Yamcha appears.**

** Yamcha: Bulma! It's not what it looks li- Oh OK, it's totally what it looks like.**

"You were saying?" Vegeta glared, energy surrounding his fist. Yamcha ran behind Mr. Popo and Goku, using the two as shields.

"Oh, calm down, Vegeta," Bulma said, dragging him down. "That's obviously edited." She pulls him close. "Plus, even if he did, it doesn't matter. That was the past. Now I have you." She gives him a little kiss on the cheek.

Vegeta jumped back blushing. "You know I hate your sneak attacks!"

Bulma laughs at his response.

** Yamcha: Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert. Oh, and have you changed Puar's litter box yet?**

** Puar: I make boom-boom!**

** The flashback ends.**

** Krillin: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char- So you're single then?**

Krillin hides behind the cowering Yamcha, to avoid the wrath of his wife and Vegeta.

** Then the scene changes to Goku and a child Gohan flying down on Nimbus.**

"Hey, it's me and Dad!" Gohan smiled.

"Aw," Videl gushes. "You're so cute."

Gohan gives Videl a kiss on the cheek.

** Goku: Hey, guys!**

** The door opens and both Bulma and Krillin run to greet him.**

** Bulma: Goku!**

** Krillin: Tail- uh, wait, what?**

** Goku laughs.**

** Bulma: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.**

** Krillin: Goku, just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.**

This made the original Z-Fighters (from the original Dragon Ball series) smiled and/or chuckle in amusement.

**Goku: Uh, OK…. This is actually my son.**

** Cue a dramatic sting and the shocked reactions of Bulma, Krillin, and Roshi. Suddenly, M. Night Shyamalan appeared on the screen.**

** M. Night Shyamalan: What a twist!**

Beerus raises his brow. "Um, who is this human?"

"M. Night Shyamalan," Mr. Satan answered. "He's a director and is usually responsible for movies with major twists in their plots."

**Bulma: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally…. You know….**

** Goku: Know what?**

** Roshi: You know…. "Bow-chicka-wow-wow"!**

** Goku: What are those noises you're making?**

** Bulma and Roshi (terrified and thinking): Oh my God, he's a parent!**

Goku looked confused. "Why is that so shocking?"

Bulma groaned, putting a hand on her head. "Sometimes I still can't believe he has two children."

"It is surprising," Vegeta agreed.

Krillin rushed to Goku's defense. "Oh, he's not that bad."

"Oh, he is, Krillin," Chichi sighed. "He is."

**The scene changes to Gohan playing with Turtle.**

**Krillin: So, when's the little guy gonna start training?**

** Goku: Actually, Chi-chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be…. What's it called?**

** Krillin: A productive and responsible member of society?**

Chichi nods in approval.

"Too bad that didn't completely work out," Gohan said.

Chichi glared at Goku, who panicked. "Blame Piccolo, he trained him!" he said.

Piccolo shrank from the glare coming off of Chichi.

** Goku: Yeah, lame! That's it!**

Chichi's anger is diverted back to Goku.

**Goku: Hey son, come here! Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things….**

"What's wrong with turtles?" the Turtle Hermit huffed.

** Bulma crouches down.**

** Bulma: Hey, is that a Dragon Ball on his head? Doesn't that sort of make him a target for villains who might want them?  
** "You put a Dragon Ball on your child's head?" Frieza deadpanned.

"And you let him?" Vegeta asked Chichi.

"Um… yes?" both answered nervously.

Both aliens thought angrily. 'How did I ever lose to him!'

** Goku: Aw, come on! I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who- HOLY BLACK ON A POPO, WHAT IS THAT?!**

Mr. Popo blinks. "Black on a Popo?"

Tien puts his hands on his hips. "That sounds rather racist."

**Roshi: What's wrong?**

** Goku: I just felt a power level bigger than… than… Krillin's losing streak!**

"HEY!" Krillin shouted as a few people tried to desperately hide their chuckles.

** Cue another dramatic sting.**

** Krillin: You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy.**

** Goku (thinking): He's… getting closer….**

** Dramatic music rises.**

** Krillin: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him insi-**

** Just then, Raditz landed nearby. Both Goku and Krillin got into fighting stances.**

** Raditz: Oh son of a-**

** Raditz: It took me a while to get here but I finally found you… Kakarot.**

** Goku: What?**

** Raditz: That's right. That's your name.**

** Goku: What?**

** Raditz: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet.**

** Goku: What?**

** Raditz: You… hit your head as a child, didn't you?**

** The scene then shows a flashback to when Goku was a child and his head slamming into the ground.**

'This explains… everything!" everyone except Goku thought. Goku, meanwhile, was wondering why they were all staring at him.

**Both Gokus: What?**

Everyone else facepalms.

**Raditz: Oh, for God's sake, listen. You were sent here as a child to take over the planet, you're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans, and to top off this expositional onslaught… I… am your BROTHER!**

** As he talks, scenes of space and Saiyans are shown through flashbacks. Then another dramatic sting is made, and the scene shows Goku, Bulma, Krillin, Roshi, and strangely a crab's reaction.**

Goten laughed at the falling crab, as did the other children.

** Krillin: So you're his brother, huh? Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in a lot of future events, right?**

Vegeta smirked. "Yeah, no."

** Krillin: Right?**

** Raditz then bitch-slapped Krillin in to Kame House.**

** Krillin: Wa-ah-ah-ah-ugh.**

** Suddenly, a silhouette of Krillin with a bandage and the words Krillin Owned Count: 0 were shown. The zero quickly turned into a 1 with a ding of a bell.**

"Oh, come on!" Krillin protested. "I don't lose that much!"

Vegeta smirked. "Yeah you do."

"Shut up, Vegeta!"

** Krillin: What did I say?**

** Goku: Hey, stop hitting Krillin!**

** Raditz: Why?**

** Goku: Because you're breaking Kame House!**

"Yeah," Roshi agreed. "Stop breaking my house!"

"Glad to see you both have your priorities straight," Krillin muttered.

Goku laughed and gave his best friend a hug. "Oh, lighten up, Krillin."

Krillin gives Goku a weak smile.

**Krillin: Yeah. Stop breaking Kame House.**

** Goku: So, what're you here for? The Dragon Balls?**

** Raditz: The… the Dragon's what?**

** Goku: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want… like immortality.**

** Ulong suddenly appeared.**

"Hey, look!" Ulong shouted. "There's me!"

**Ulong: Or Bulma's panties.**

"Okay, gotta ask," Bulma said. "Why am I being overly sexualized in this show?"

** Cut to Napa and Vegeta, who had red hair for some reason.**

** Napa: Vegeta, did you hear that?**

"My god, it's been forever since I've seen him," Vegeta said. "Maybe I should visit him. He's in hell, right?"

"Most likely," Dende said. "You gonna bring him a gift?"

"Maybe…" Vegeta said. "What do you give to someone when they're in hell?"

"Ear plugs and a blindfold," Frieza immediately responded, thinking of his own time in hell.

**Vegeta appeared on screen.**

"W-why is your hair red?" Goku asked.

"It looks really weird," Trunks said, flying to his dad to check his hair.

Vegeta waved Trunks away. "I-I was trying something…."

** Vegeta: Oh, yeah. We're totally going to Earth to get our wish.**

** Napa: Yeah, we're gonna get panties! …I mean immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right, Vegeta?**

Vegeta groaned. "God dammit, Napa…."

**The onscreen Vegeta looked as annoyed as the actual Vegeta.**

** Vegeta: Just get in the damn pod.**

** The scene cuts back to Raditz, who is slowly walking towards them.**

** Raditz: No. I'm here for you, Kakarot.**

** Goku: So, what are we going to do? See a ball game? Catch a movie?**

Goku silently wished that Raditz had wanted to do these things with him.

**Raditz: We're going to kill everyone on the planet, and then sell it for profit to an alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet.**

"Oh, no, I definitely destroyed that filthy monkey planet," Frieza said, bored. This however, caused him to receive glares from a majority of the room, sans the deities.

**Goku: Oh…. Well, uh, I sort of like people here, so with all due respect-**

** Goku is suddenly slammed into the ground, causing sand to fly everywhere.**

** Gohan: Daddy!**

** The half-Saiyan rushes towards his father but was intercepted by Raditz.**

** Raditz: I'll be taking this. Yoink!**

** Raditz quickly flew away.**

** Goku (weakly): Quick, somebody stop him.**

** Silence.**

** Goku: Damnit, Krillin.**

** Krillin: Hey, I was bitch-slapped through a house, what's your excuse?**

** Goku: I was kneed in the stomach!**

Krillin scoffs. "Yeah, like that's a worse injury."

"Now just a second, are you saying it's my fault?" Goku said.

"I'm just saying-"

"It's both of your fault!" Chichi yelled. She obviously wasn't happy at seeing how her son was kidnapped all those years ago. "It's Bulma's for not holding him tighter, Roshi's for not knowing how to fly, and both of yours for getting your butts kicked."

The two, along with Bulma and Roshi, hide behind a couch.

** Piccolo: You're both pathetic.**

** The Namekian is shown to be flying above Kame House.**

** Piccolo: What?**

** Piccolo lands.**

** Goku: Aw, geez. Hey, look, I know you totally want to kill me and all-**

"A lot of us did at one point," Piccolo said, looking around. There was the son of a green alien overlord that once tried to kill Goku, an alien prince that almost killed Goku, a tyrannical intergalactic overlord that destroyed Goku's home planet, two androids that were specifically designed to murder Goku, a pink… thing that almost killed everyone on Earth, and the God of Destruction himself.

**Goku: -but, today's kind of a bad day. My brother's just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid-**

** Piccolo: Oh, yeah, I was watching that. That was priceless!**

** Piccolo begins to laugh at Goku's misfortune.**

"I'm guessing this was before you changed sides," Videl asked with a raised eyebrow. Piccolo merely turned away, turning a darker shade of green.

**Piccolo: Sorry for your loss.**

** Goku: Yeah. Anyways, wanna help me get him back?**

** Piccolo: Why?**

** Goku: I'll friend you on MySpace.**

** Piccolo is shown thinking for a sec before the scene changes to both of them flying off after Raditz.**

** Piccolo: Tom, you've been replaced.**

"Poor Tom," someone said.

** The scene changes to a child-friendly ending involving clouds, a moving Shenron, and a bouncing child Goku. Afterwards, the scene changes to the former scene of Master Roshi and his everchanging drink.**

** Roshi: Now it's a Nestle Crunch Bar!**

Both Beerus and Whiz drool over the unknown Earth treat.

** Roshi: Now it's a gummy bear!**

Their drool has created a small puddle on the ground.

** Roshi: Now it's Napa!**

This instantly got the two divine visitors to jump back in surprise.

**Napa: Wait, what the hell?**

** The scene then cuts to black.**

"Well that was mildly entertaining," Tien smiled.

"I liked it a lot!" Chiaotzu smiled.

"I suppose it was decent," Beerus said. "It had some moments."

"It's weird that it was based on our lives," Gohan said.

"I didn't really like it," Krillin grumbled, still annoyed about the Krillin owned count.

"Me neither," Yamcha growled. "I'm not a cheater!"

"Should we watch the next episode?" Goku asked, grabbing the remote.

"Yeah!" they all agreed.

Goku pressed the button.

**And done! I hope you all liked this story! I don't really have anything else to say so please Follow, Favorite, and Comment. This is MythMaker258 signing off. Goodbye!**


	3. Episode 2

**Hello, my dear readers! I know it's been a while but I've been busy getting use to my new life as a college student. Sorry for the delay. And to respond to the comments:**

**To The Prophet of Courage: I am so glad you enjoyed it.**

**To thewittywhy: This is going to be hilarious.**

**To cybresamurai: I know. I'm just glad you liked the fic.**

**To Nihatclodra: I'll try to do the best to entertain you.**

**To thunderofdeath87, NightShock99, Korrd: I'm not sure if I should do the abridged movies, due to certain canon differences.**

**To epantoja521: Your welcome.**

**To Didact Brainiac 99: Basically. Glad you enjoyed it.**

**To jmknz777, BrownTeddyBear, LifeByTheCreed, Jack Gold Sword: I'll try my best to keep on continuing it.**

**To CyberDragonEX: He laughed but I forgot to write it. My bad.**

**To duskrider: I found Beerus and Whis's reactions funniest during that moment.**

**To Gojosin: Good to see you enjoyed it.**

**To Silverstein Ravenfang: I hope you'll like this fic then.**

**To FuryJoe, hawkeyestratos1996, Super Shadow 2018, Kurosaga Kururugi, Guest that posted on July 2: Thank you.**

**To Guest that posted on June 30: I loved it too! I knew people would like that scene.**

**To Redrangerlegacy: That will be a fun scene to read.**

**And that's enough with all the comments. I know there are more but for the life of me, I can't respond to everything. Oh, and give thanks to PokemonForever2000 for his contribution to this chapter. He really helped a lot.**

**Now, onto the story.**

The Z-Fighters waited anxiously as the machine prepared the next episode.

The disclaimer appeared.

**KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.**

"What's this?" Trunks asked.

"It seems to be a disclaimer, something that shows the proper ownership or a certain media," Bulma explained. "But why is it here?"

"It is odd," Chichi agreed.

**The image of Goku riding Nimbus and Piccolo flying alongside him.**

** TFS Goku: Hey Piccolo. Mind if I ask you somethin'?**

**TFS Piccolo: What is it?**

**TFS Goku: You're not human either, right?**

**TFS Piccolo: Yeah...**

**TFS Goku: And your dad spit you out as an egg, right?**

**TFS Piccolo: What about it?**

"Where exactly is he going with this?" Piccolo ponders.

**TFS Goku: Are... Are you a Yoshi?**

"I regret asking," Piccolo deadpans.

Goten smiles happily. "I love Yoshi! I always play him in Smash!"

Trunks gives Goten a teasing smirk. "And you always lose."

Goten sticks his tongue out at Trunks.

**TFS Piccolo (sarcastic): Yes, Goku, I'm a green fucking dinosaur!**

**TFS Goku: Can... Can I ride you?**

Roshi snorts. "Well that can be taken out of context."

Chichi, Android 18, and Bulma give him a quick kick to the gut, causing the old man to go down.

**(TFS Piccolo lets out an annoyed groan)**

**(opening sequence; scene shifts to a crying TFS Gohan and TFS Raditz)**

**TFS Raditz: Shut up. I said, shut up! SHUT UP! Damn it, why isn't screaming angrily making you cry less?! Oh, screw it, I'm putting you in the time-out pod. (puts TFS Gohan in his Space Pod and closes the door)**

Chichi growls like a wild animal.

"Jerk," Gohan grunts.

Pam sticks out her tongue. Everyone else has an angry look on their face, sans Frieza, Beerus, and Whis. Those three had a look of indifference on their faces.

**TFS Raditz: (thinking) Thank sweet merciful God that's over. (out loud) Now I can just sit back and—(scouter beeps) ...beat the crap out of whoever's coming. (sighs) ...Great.**

**TFS Goku: Raditz! Give me back my son! (jumps off Nimbus) Wheeeeeee!**

**TFS Raditz: So, you're here already. And I see you brought the Namekian as well. **

**TFS Goku: A-actually, that hasn't been explained yet. **

**TFS Raditz: Oh. Well, it's not like anyone cares about him anyway. **

**Piccolo, Gohan, and others give an annoyed look.**

**(Piccolo removes his cape and grabs his turban) **

**TFS Piccolo: Well screw you too! **

**TFS Goku: Piccolo, you use weighted training clothes as well? **

**TFS Piccolo: (sarcastically) No, Goku. I just love to get naked when I'm around you. (drops his turban)**

Gohan looks disgusted by a mental image.

**TFS Raditz: (thinking) Their power level is rising! (out loud) So, nudity makes you stronger on this planet! (unzips his pants)**

Many of the people there facepalm.

"What the-?" Gohan asked.

The kids (mainly Goten and Trunks) were laughing on the floor, clutching their stomachs.

Frieza merely crosses his arms. "I am positive that the armor Raditz is wearing does not come with a zipper."

Vegeta groans. "That's not what we have an issue with, Frieza."

**TFS Goku: Uh... no. We're wearing weighted clothing.**

**TFS Raditz: (quickly zips up his pants and crosses his arms) Oh... Of course! Because that would be ridiculous! (laughs nervously)**

**TFS Piccolo: ...So that hair does compensate for something.**

This got giggles out of some of the males and children. Frieza, the females, and the divine guests merely roll their eyes at the immaturity.

**(Phil Sebben's head pops up) **

**Phil Sebben: Ha ha! Dangly parts. **

**TFS Raditz: SHUT UP! (quickly dashes behind Goku and Piccolo and elbows both of them, knocking them off their feet.)**

Vegeta looked at Piccolo and Goku. "You two were beaten that easily? Seriously?"

"This is kinda similar with the fight with Frieza," Piccolo shrugs. "We get beat a bit but learn from our mistakes and eventually end up on top."

Roshi and Whis, both teachers, nod sagely.

**TFS Piccolo: Okay, what the hell was that? **

**TFS Goku: I don't know! But let's try it again... from behind! **

**(Goku and Piccolo tries to attack Raditz from behind, who counterattacks by kicking at both of them, knocking them away)**

"Learn from your mistakes, huh?" Vegeta smirks.

"Shut up!" Piccolo shouts, turning away from the dirty looks Whis and Roshi were giving him.

**TFS Piccolo: We really shouldn't be announcing our attack strategy!**

"We tend to do that a lot, sometimes, don't we?" Gohan says with an embarrassed smile.

"Well, it does help with teamwork!" Goku beams.

**TFS Goku: Rush him! (leaps towards Raditz) **

**TFS Piccolo: Damn it, Goku! (also rushes towards Raditz) Will you at least try to dodge this one?! **

**TFS Goku: Dodge what? (Raditz fires his Double Sunday attack) OH GEEZ! **

**(Goku manages to dodges the blast, but Piccolo isn't as lucky as he loses his left arm)**

Chichi and Bulma wince.

"That looks like it hurt," Chichi commented.

"It did," Piccolo says, rubbing his arm.

**TFS Goku: Ha! You missed me! **

**(Raditz appears behind Goku) **

**TFS Raditz: My bad. (kicks Goku, knocking him away)**

**TFS Goku: (thinks) Note to self: Less talky, more fighty. (slowly gets up and look towards Piccolo) **

"Here that, kids?" Gohan said. "When in a fight, focus more on the battle than your cocky attitude."

"Yeah," Goku agreed.

Goten and Trunks nod.

**TFS Goku: Hey Piccolo. We may be taking a beating, but at least we managed to dodge that one. (Piccolo gets up with blood dripping from his severed arm) High fi-IIIIIEEEEE! Uh... handsha—... thumbs u—... G-good job!**

"Seriously?" Piccolo asked Goku, who merely smiled embarrassed.

**TFS Raditz: Ha ha! Aaaahaha! Aaaahaha! Aw, excuse me, has anyone seen my arm? You can't miss it, it's green! Ha ha ha!**

The Z-Fighters growl, with Piccolo and Gohan looking angriest.

**TFS Piccolo: Yeah... Anyway, listen. I've got one more attack that should do it. Upside is, I can use it with one arm. **

**TFS Goku: And what's the downside? **

**TFS Piccolo: You'll have to distract him while I charge it... **

**TFS Goku: That's not too bad— **

**TFS Piccolo: For five minutes. And considering he beat us to a pulp in under one and—ah, never mind, I'm sure you can handle it.**

"That… does not seem useful," Whis deadpanned.

"That's way too much of a charge time," Beerus nods.

"Yeah, I improved the technique later," Piccolo said.

"That's good because being unable to do anything for five minutes seem a bit tiresome," Tien said.

"It does seem a bit long," Goku agreed.

"And how long does the Spirit Bomb take to charge?" Piccolo counters.

"N-never mind," Goku said.

**TFS Goku: Wow. You really have that much faith in me? **

**TFS Piccolo: Yeah, sure. Why not? **

**TFS Goku: Well then, I won't disappoint you. (dashes towards Raditz) Here goes nothing! Haaaaagggghhh! Ready or not, here I—(gets attacked by Raditz while the screen shifts to Piccolo) aaaaahhh!**

Frieza was laughing, rolling on the ground and holding his stomach.

**TFS Piccolo: (in his thoughts; singing the tune of "Mahna Mahna" while Goku is getting beaten senselessly by Ratitz) Mahna Mahna do doo be-do-do. Mahna Mahna do do-do do. Mahna Mahna do doo de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do de-do-do Ima chargin' my attack. **

**(Scene changes Goku getting the upper hand by grabbing Raditz's tail.)**

"He let his tail get grabbed so easily?" Vegeta sneered. "Shameful."

"Didn't we cut your tail off?" Tien smirked.

Vegeta gave a death glare. "That was the fat samurai, but I got over it when I gained my Super Saiyan form."

**TFS Goku: Ha! Got your tail! **

**TFS Raditz: Please let me go? **

**TFS Goku: Well, since you asked nicely... **

**(Goku lets go of Raditz's tail; who thanks him by kicking him away)**

"Idiot," everyone but Goku commented quietly.

**TFS Piccolo: (in his thoughts while Goku recieves another senseless beating from Raditz offscreen) Perhaps on second thought, a whole five-minute startup time for an attack is pretty abysmal in terms of usability in battle. **

**TFS Goku: (offscreen) Piccolo help! (scene changes to Goku grabbing Radiz's tail again) Ha! Got your tail...! Again! **

**TFS Raditz: Please let go? **

**TFS Goku: I'm not falling for that again! **

**TFS Raditz: Pretty please let me go? **

**TFs Goku: (once again lets go of Raditz's tail) Well... (Raditz elbows Goku, knocking him away) Oooh! Ow! Spine! (Raditz stomps on Goku's ribs) Ow! Ribs! Definitely ribs!**

"Hmm…" Beerus scratched his chin. "I'm now craving ribs. Bulma, do you mind ordering some for us."

"After a few episodes, Beerus," Bulma said. "It will take a while for it to cook and this Hyperbolic Time Chamber doesn't make things faster."

Beerus scoffs and taps his claw on the chair impatiently. "It's fine, then. I'll wait."

**TFS Raditz: Aha! Attacking an opponent roughly four times your strength in a one-on-one battle. A cunning strategy! No, no, no, not cunning. What's the opposite of that? **

**TFS Piccolo: (offscreen) Retarded? **

**TFS Raditz: That's it, thank you!**

"Hey!" Goku shouted in protest.

'He's not wrong….' The others think.

**TFS Raditz: That's it, thank you! Now, disregarding the Namekian, I— **

**TFS Goku: Uh-uh! A Yoshi! **

**TFS Piccolo: (offscreen) I'm not a god damn Yoshi! **

**TFS Goku: But you said you were! **

**TFS Piccolo: (offscreen) It's called sarcasm! **

**TFS Goku: What's that taste like?**

"Five thousand zeni that our Goku thinks sarcasm is a food," Ulong offers.

"I'll take those odds," Android 18 agreed.

"Hey, I know what sarcasm is!" Goku said.

"Pay up," Android 18 said, stretching her hand.

"Seriously, why do you think I wouldn't know what sarcasm is?" Goku wonders.

"The whole marriage thing?" Chichi smiled. "You thought it was something you could eat."

The original Z-Fighters smile at the memory while the others look confused.

**TFS Piccolo: (offscreen) Damn it Goku! **

**(Raditz crushes Goku's ribs) **

**TFS Raditz: STOP IGNORING ME! **

**TFS Goku: Aaah my ribs! I think you broke my...mmmmmm ribs.**

"Mmmmmm ribs…" the Saiyans, Whis, and Beerus drool.

**TFS Raditz: Uggggh. (stomps on Goku's ribs three more times and prepares to kill him) Stop! Ignoring! Me! AND DIE! (scouter beeps) Huh? **

**TFS Gohan: Stop beating up my daddy! (breaks out of Raditz's Space Pod) **

**(Gohan rushes towards Raditz)**

"That still surprised me," Piccolo said.

"It surprised me too," Goku said. "I definitely wasn't that strong when I was that age. And Chichi didn't let me teach Gohan anything."

"He definitely has major potential," they both agreed.

Gohan laughs and blushes.

**TFS Raditz: Nooo, my Space Pod—(Gohan headbutts Raditz) Augh! My space armor! **

**TFS Piccolo: (offscreen) We get it, you're from space!**

"Yeah!" Goten, Trunks, and Marron shout.

**(Gohan lands next to Goku) **

**TFS Goku: G-Gohan. (GOHAN: Huh?) What... was that? **

**TFS Gohan: (gets up) Daddy! **

**TFS Goku: No-no, seriously. What the hell was that? We were getting slaughtered out there, and you could do that—(Gohan looks behind and notices Raditz) Oh, crap. **

**TFS Radtiz: (approaches a frightened Gohan) Uncle Raditz is PISSED! (smacks Gohan, which the screen pauses upon impact) **

**Kaiserneko: We here at Team Four Star do not condone child violence. We do, however, find it hilarious.**

Chichi roars like a wild animal, scaring everyone, even Frieza, Beerus, and Whis.

**(Screen unpauses as Gohan is sent flying by Raditz's attack) **

**TFS Goku: Wait, hold on! **

**TFS Raditz: Oh, what? Mister Shattered Ribs is going to stop me? (begins walking towards Gohan) **

**TFS Goku: Listen, you don't understand! Nothing you could do could ever compare to what Chi-Chi would do to me if she found out he died!**

They all take a moment to look at Chichi, who was still making ravenous animal growls and had a demonic look on her face. "We believe it…."

**(Raditz begins charging up a Ki blast at Gohan) **

**TFS Raditz: Well, sucks to be you! **

**TFS Goku: (thinking) I don't have any choice. I have to use my last technique! **

**TFS Raditz: NOW DIE! (prepares to kill Gohan) **

**(Goku grabs Raditz from behind) **

**TFS Goku: Full Nelson! **

**TFS Raditz: A Full Nelson? That won't work on me! I'm Raditz! (tries to break free but can't) Hurghhurgh! ...Okay, let go! (continues trying to break free, but no avail) Hurrrggrrrg! Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!**

"This fight is just getting sad," Frieza said, a bored expression on his face.

**TFS Goku: Piccolo! **

**TFS Piccolo: Ready! **

**TFS Goku: Good! Just make sure you give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind him! **

**TFS Piccolo: Oh sure; I'll give you a signal. It'll be the last signal you'll ever get! **

**(scene shifts to Goku as Piccolo laughs evilly offscreen) **

**TFS Goku: Well, okay. As long as we're clear on that. **

**TFS Piccolo: MAKANSA—... MAKAKASAPOP—... MEKKASAPPA—... (groans) Oh, to hell with it. SPECIAL BEAM CANNON! (fires the Special Beam Cannon at Goku and Raditz)**

"You can't pronounce your attack name?" Goten laughed.

"I can!" Trunks grinned. "Makakaka… Makasa… Maka… nope…."

**TFS Goku: Is that what you're going to yell out when you— (Special Beam Cannon pierces through both Goku and Raditz) OH GOD! **

**Mountain Climber: Riiiiiicolaaaa— (blast hits mountain) AAAAAUUUUGH! **

**(both Goku and Raditz hit the ground, fatally wounded)**

Chichi gives Piccolo a dirty look. Piccolo himself turns away to avoid looking her in the eye.

"So, yeah, sorry Goku…" Piccolo mutters.

"It's all good," Goku laughs, patting him on the back.

**TFS Raditz: Damn it! And there was no way I could have gotten out of there! **

**TFS Piccolo: You know, you could've flown. **

**TFS Raditz: Damn you, hindsiiiiight! Bleh. (dies)**

"Idiot," multiple people said.

**(Piccolo looks up in the sky and notices a ship heading towards the battlefield.) **

**TFS Krillin: (from ship) Goku! After several hours of debating, we decided you might need us— (notices both Goku's and Raditz's damaged bodies) ah, crap!**

"We came a tad too late," Bulma chuckled.

"It all worked out fine," Goku assured her.

**(scene shifts to Krillin holding Goku's hand while Piccolo and Master Roshi watch) **

**KRILLIN: Goku! You can't die! Here, I brought a Senzu Bean! **

**GOKU: (dying) I don't think that's gonna work. **

**KRILLIN: Why not? **

**GOKU: (dying) I sort of have a hole in my esophagus.**

"I think it pieced your stomach, so you might not have been able to digest the Senzu bean," Bulma estimates.

**TFS Krillin: Wait, then how are you breathing? (Goku slowly closes his eyes and dies) ...Goku? ...Goku? Holy crap... I'm not the first person to die in this series! **

**TFS Roshi: Krillin! **

**TFS Krillin: What? **

**TFS Roshi: Too soon!**

"Way too soon," Tien, Yamcha, and other Z-Fighters said.

**TFS Bulma: I can't believe he's gone. **

**TFS Piccolo: Yeah, pity that. RRRRRRAAAAHHH! (regenerates his left arm)**

"Why didn't you do that before?" Beerus asked.

"It takes time and concentration, things I couldn't get with Raditz's attacks," Piccolo explained.

**TFS Krillin: (runs up to Piccolo) Wait, what the hell? You can regenerate? **

**TFS Piccolo: Yeah. And you know what else? **

**TFS Krillin: What? **

**TFS Piccolo: (quickly) I'm taking Gohan. Bye! (flies off with Gohan)**

"What?" Chichi screamed outraged. "You let him take Gohan that easily!"

The others cower before the wrath of Chichi.

**KRILLIN: Quick! Somebody stop him! (crickets chirp in silence) Damn it Roshi! **

**MASTER ROSHI: Shut up, Krillin! **

**(Krillin Owned Count: 2)**

"Oh, come on!" Krillin yelled in protest. His wife and daughter gave him a comforting hug.

**TFS Krillin: Aww... **

**(ending sequence) **

**[STINGER]**

"And that's the end of the episode," Bulma said. "I'll prepare the next one."

"Wait," Mr. Satan said. "There's more."

**TFS Goku: Gohan, do a Headbutt! **

**(in the style of Pokémon) **

**TFS Gohan: Gooooo-HAN! **

**"Gohan used Headbutt!" **

**(Gohan headbutts Raditz) **

**"It was super-effective!"**

"Pokemon!" the children laugh happily.

"I guess that there's always an end-credit scene like this at the end of each episode," Android 18 blink.

"Let's see the next episode!" Goku commanded.

"Yeah!" the rest cheered.

**And done! I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm a bit tired, so that's it for today. Hope you all favorite, follow, and comment on this story.**


	4. Episode 3

**And I'm back. Here's the next chapter of DBS Reacts to DBZ Abridged. I hope you all like it. Unlike with my usual routine, I'm not going to respond to the comments due to a lot of time since I updated and literally everyone has been asking me to update.**

The Z-Warriors anxiously wait the next episode to appear when they see the disclaimer.

**Kaiserneko: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. **

"I guess these disclaimers are going to appear every episode then," Bulma guessed.

**Scene opens up with Krillin, Master Roshi, and Bulma lamenting over the loss of Goku. **

**Master Roshi: Well, Goku has passed. But his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. Krillin picks up Gohan's hat Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once more. **

"Aw," Goku said. "Thanks, Roshi."

**Nappa: speaking through Raditz's scouter Raaditz? Raaaaaditz? **

"Oh, god, I forgot how annoying his voice can be," Frieza sighed in annoyance.

**Krillin and Bulma look at Raditz's scouter. **

**Master Roshi: What the hell is that? **

**Nappa: speaking through Raditz's scouter Guy-who's-as-strong-as-a-Saibaman says "What?" **

"Ha!" Vegeta laughed.

"What's a Saibaman," Frieza asked before realization. "Oh, wait. Weren't they those disgusting green creatures we used for target practice? What kind of pathetic gnat would lose to them?"

Yamcha said nothing, though his eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

**Nappa: That usually gets to him; I think he's dead, Vegeta. **

**Vegeta (speaking through Raditz's scouter): Big shocker! Nobody cares! We're ten times stronger than him anyway! We'll go to Earth, find the Dragon Balls, and kill everyone! And we'll be there within a year or so - depending on filler, of course. **

"Filler?" they all think curiously.

**Nappa (speaking through Raditz's scouter): Anything else we need to go over, Vegeta? **

**Vegeta (speaking through Raditz's scouter): Nope, that's about it. **

"Did you idiots seriously accidentally tell them when you'd get to Earth, allowing them to prepare?" Frieza gives Vegeta a dirty look. "What the hell did I teach you, fool?!"

Vegeta refused to look at Frieza. "It was Nappa's fault!"

**Master Roshi: Well, fu— **

"Language!" Videl, Chichi, Bulma, and Android 18 snapped.

**The opening sequence goes by.**

**Scene shifts to a wasteland where Piccolo is talking to Gohan. **

"Hey, I remember where this was!" Gohan smiled in nostalgia. "This was where Piccolo trained me!"

**Piccolo: Alright, you little human... Saiyan... thing. I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there; that kind of power can be useful. **

**Gohan: Wh-what do you mean? **

**Piccolo: I'm going to make you my pupil. And then, I'll use YOU for my conquest to take over the world. **

**Gohan: But-but where's my daddy? **

**Piccolo: Hate to tell you, kid, but your dad's dead! **

Chichi growled, causing Piccolo to shrink.

**Piccolo: ...Actually I kind of like saying that. Haha! Your dad's dead!**

Chichi's rage rises even higher and Piccolo tries to hide behind the others but they got out of the way instantly, fearing Chichi's wrath.

**Gohan starts crying **

"That's it!" Chichi roared, tackling Piccolo. As Chichi attacks Piccolo, the others merely ignore the attack, though Gohan tried to get his mother off his teacher.

**Piccolo: Ah. Damn it. This is why I hang out in wastelands... **

**Scene changes to the front of the Check-In Station. **

**Heavenly Attendent (through bullhorn): Hello! Welcome to the heavenly Check-In Station! Please no cutting in line! If you are caught cutting in line, you will be sent straight to Hell! **

**Scene shifts to inside Yemma's office. Kami is seen touching Goku's shoulder while talking in a wheezy voice. **

"Aw, I miss Kami," Goku said, with many people nodding in agreement, somber looks on their faces. Mister Popo looked the saddest as he saw the image of his late friend.

"So this is Kami?" Dende asked, looking at the image of his predecessor.

**Kami: And so, we need Goku here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma. **

**King Yemma: Give me one good reason I should allow this. **

Frieza had a sour look on his face. "That's the giant fool that sentenced me to that… that nightmare." He shuddered.

**Kami: Because, if you don't, camera cuts the entrance of Yemma's office showing a group of dead souls along with an attendant that line's going increase by six billion! **

**King Yemma: Six billion?! I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?! Please, I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man! **

"The staff of the afterlife are trained to take in such massive intakes of death," Whis explains. "They have to be to keep up with the paths of destruction Lord Beerus makes when he becomes angry."

**Kami: You know, I am the guardian of Earth. Can I please get a little bit more respect here? **

**King Yemma: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a God in this show—until you get to the Kais—then, I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk though! It's made of mahogany! Ma-ho-gany. **

"What is this fool talking about?" Beerus growled.

"Please don't destroy the help, Lord Beerus," Whis chastised. "The afterlife is busy enough without losing one of its main officials."

**Kami: Uhhhh anyway, can we please— **

**King Yemma: SILENCE! **

**Both Goku and Kami are surprised and keeps quiet **

**King Yemma: whispering Mahogany. **

"Ugh, what is with this fool and what is mahogany?" Beerus grumbled.

"A type of tree on Earth," Bulma explained.

**Kami: Umm... Sir? **

**King Yemma: Wh-what? Oh-uh sure, whatever. He can go to King Kai's, but he'll have to run on (in an echoing voice) SNAAAAKE WAAAAY! **

**Sound clip from "Gustav Holst's Mars: the Bringer of War" plays **

**Goku: Sounds fun! **

Goten and Trunks beamed. "It really does!"

**King Yemma: Prepare to be surprised. **

"It wasn't that bad," Goku said. "Was it?"

"I thought Snake Way was a tad too long," Yamcha said, with Tien and Chaotzu nodding in agreement.

**Goku (nodding): Alright, I'm off! **

**He begins to leave but stops **

**Goku: Oh wait. By the way, did you see a guy named Raditz come through here? **

"He went to hell, too right?" Vegeta asked Goku.

"Yeah," Goku replied. "Maybe we should visit him too…."

"We really don't take advantage of the fact we can go to the afterlife, do we?" Bulma said.

"Yeah, there are a lot of people there that it would be nice to see again," Goku said, thinking about his adoptive grandfather.

"It's better that you do it," Whis said. "Piss off them and your souls don't go to heaven or hell. Instead they can have your souls themselves destroyed."

**King Yemma begins flipping pages from a book.**

**Goku: He has spiky hair and a tail? **

**King Yemma: Oh yeah, I remember that guy. I put him in my patented Yammalock! **

**Goku: And it worked? **

**KING YEMMA: F**K NO! He kicked me in the balls and ran away! Now I don't know where he is! **

"Bullshit!" Frieza shouted. "If that weakling could get away, I would have been able!"

**Scene cuts away to Raditz with a halo. **

**Raditz: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie! **

**Scene cuts back to Goku. **

**Goku: Huh, okay. Well bye! **

**He leaves Yemma's office.**

**King Yemma: See ya next time you die! **

"How many times have we seen him?" Bulma asked. "After that fight with Buu, everyone's done it at least… once?"

"I think I've died…" Goku begins counting with his fingers, "at least three times."

"I don't want to think about it," Vegeta said.

"Me neither!" Krillin agreed.

**Kami glares at King Yemma **

**King Yemma (in a soft voice): ...Mahogany. **

"If he says that one more time, I'm killing him," Beerus growled annoyed.

"Oh, just have some chips," Bulma said, passing a bowl of potato chips to him. Beerus grumpily took it before smiling as he tasted the salty, crunchy snack.

**Scene change to Kame House. **

**Master Roshi: So Krillin, how did Chi-Chi take the news? **

"Hey, look, Mom!" Goten beamed. "I think you're going to show up soon."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Chichi groaned.

"Me too," Krillin said, shivering.

**Krillin: Um... **

**A flashback to Krillin's conversation with Chi-Chi and the Ox King.**

**Chi-Chi: Well Krillin. What did you need to talk about? **

**Krillin: So, Chi-Chi. Hypothetically: what would you do if you were told that your husband was dead; and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy? **

"I still don't understand why I had to tell her," Krillin grumbled.

"She liked you best," Roshi replied.

**Chi-Chi: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife! **

The men shivered at the threat. Krillin gets behind his wife, who giggles at his silly behavior. Chichi blushes in embarrassment.

"I'm not that bad," she protested.

Gohan nudged her shoulder to get her attention. He pointed at a very bruised Piccolo who was barely holding on to consciousness.

**Krillin: Oh. ...Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that! **

**Both Krillin and Chi-Chi laugh **

**Chi-Chi: Would you like to spend the night? **

**Krillin: A-against my better judgment. **

"You really should have just run while you had the chance," Vegeta snarked.

**Scene changes to an outside view of Goku's house at nighttime. Camera cuts to a bedroom with the Ox King is snoring loudly while Krillin tries to sneaks out of the house, but shrieks as he hears a sound of someone sharpening a knife. **

**Chi-Chi: Kriiillin, where are yoooouuuu? **

Goku, Goten, and Gohan silently swore to try not to piss off Chichi as much. They wanted to live after all. Everyone else made similar vows, though to a lesser extent.

**Scene changes to a roadway, where Krillin quickly drives his car towards the screen while screaming. **

**The scene changes back inside Kame House **

**Krillin: Relatively well. **

"What would have happened if Bulma or Roshi told her?" Krillin wondered.

"I wouldn't have done anything to Bulma," Chichi replied. "She's not a trained fighter. Unlike you all, she doesn't have energy blasts, can more super-sonic speeds, or have ridiculous strength. Roshi however…."

Roshi shivers in thought of what Chichi would do to him.

**Bulma: So, are you going to gather the other Z-Warriors and go train with Kami? **

**Both Krillin: The Who-Warriors? **

**Bulma (with a scouter on her face): The Z-Warriors.**

**Text on the bottom reads: Where'd that scouter come from? **

"It came from Raditz, obviously," Bulma said.

**Bulma: You, Goku, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu. That's what we always call you guys! **

"I don't think I've ever heard that before," Goku said. "And where did the Z come from?"

"Grand Zeno was the one who wished for this," Beerus scratched his chin. "Maybe Z comes from Zeno."

"It would explain why it's called _Dragon Ball Z Abridged_," Whis shrugged.

**Krillin: That's the stupidest thing I've ever— **

**Chi-Chi (offscreen): KRILLIN! **

"You'd better run, Krillin," Yamcha smirked.

**The camera cuts to Chi-Chi angrily driving towards Kame House **

**Chi-Chi: Where the hell are you?! **

**Krillin (quickly): Well, I'm off to gather the Z-Warriors! Bye! **

**Scene changes to another roadway with, where Krillin quickly drives his car away from the screen while screaming. **

**Scene changes to wastelands, where Piccolo is talking to Gohan. **

**Piccolo: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training under me! **

**Gohan: But wait, wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age? Crippling me for years to come? **

"For most people, yes that is true," Master Roshi confirmed. "However, through the use of Ki, most of those negative effects are negated."

"It also has to do with his biology," Vegeta said. "Saiyans are a natural warrior race, unlike regular humans."

**Piccolo: ...You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you? **

**Gohan: My mom wants me to become an ortho— **

**Piccolo: NEEEEERD! **

Piccolo crawls behind Goku to hide from Chichi.

"What do you think show-Mom wanted show-Gohan to be," Goten asked Trunks.

Trunks shrugged. "I don't know. Why are you asking me?"

"Hmmm…" Gohan said in thought. "Ortho…. Maybe an orthodontist?"

Chichi shrugged. "Who knows what crazy standards show-me had."

_You mean crazier?_ A majority of the Z-Warriors thought.

**Gohan: Wh-what? **

**Piccolo: Anyway, I've figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger. So I'm gonna through you at that mountain. **

"You're going to do what?!" Chichi roared.

Piccolo prepares to use Goku as a human (well actually Saiyan) shield.

**Gohan: Actually, that looks more like a pla—**

**Piccolo throws Gohan**

**Gohan: TEAAAAAAA— **

**Piccolo (thinking to himself): Any second now. **

**Gohan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— **

**Piccolo (thinking to himself): Here it comes. **

**Gohan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— **

**Piccolo (thinking to himself): And— **

**Gohan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— **

**A splattering sound is heard with Gohan crying offscreen **

**Piccolo: Uugh. **

With that, Chichi roars and goes on another rampage, Piccolo use Goku as a shield to take her onslaught.

"Maybe we should make her the next God of Destruction," Whis joked. "She certainly has the temper of one."

**Piccolo begins walking towards a crying Gohan. **

**Piccolo (thinking to himself): This is gonna be a loooooooong training session. **

**Scene change to the entrance to Snake Way. **

**Heavenly Attendant: Alright, Mr. Muscle Man. Here you are at Snake Way. Now you might want to pack a lunch, 'cause it's going to be a long run. Nah, I'm just joking; you're not going to be eating nothing. **

"Not having anything to eat," Beerus said in horror. "That's crueler than hell!"

Whis, Saiyans, and Buu nodded in agreement.

**Goku (noticing how long Snake Way is): Wow! That looks like it's going to take me a while. **

**Heavenly Attendant: Now be careful running—you don't want to fall off and die. That's just a little bit of dead humor. But seriously, do not fall off or you will go to Hell. **

"You can go to hell by falling off that?" Bulma blinked. "That's a pretty unfair reason to go to hell."

"Training should always have consequences to those who don't take it seriously, Bulma," Whis said.

**Goku: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before? **

**Heavenly Attendant: Well, there was one man. **

**Goku: Well, who was he? **

**Heavenly Attendant: writing something in a book I believe his name was— **

**Scene change to Kami's lookout. **

"So either Kami or Mr. Popo," Tien said. "Judging by the context."

**Kami: Mr. Popo! **

**Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami? **

**Kami: I just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming! Make sure you take good care of them! **

**Mr. Popo starts laughing evilly while the camera begins to zoom in to his face, with music from a horror film playing by the time the camera focuses on his eyes. The camera begins to slowly fade into black. **

Everyone shivered at the sound of the evil laugh. Well, actually, Frieza was taking notes to improve his evil laugh. Mr. Popo himself had an unreadable expression on his face. He then had a small smile and began to mimic the laugh.

"Ahh!" Dende shrieked. "Stop that."

"Oh, alright," Mr. Popo said, stopping.

**ending sequence **

**King Yemma: And not just any mahogany**

"Is he still talking about his desk?" Beerus complained.

**Screen shows a planet named Malchior 7 **

**King Yemma: But mahogany from the planet, Malchior 7! **

"Never heard of it," Frieza, Vegeta, and Beerus snapped.

**The screen shows a tree, which suddenly breathes fire **

"Did that tree breath fire?" Goten asked.

**King Yemma: Where the trees are three-hundred feet tall and breathe fire! **

"Yes, it did, Goten," Trunks replied. "Yes, it did."

**The scene shifts back to Yemma's office **

**King Yemma: From these trees, this desk was forged 2,000 years ago! Using ancient blood-rituals of the Malchior people! **

"Oh, make him stop already!" Beerus shouted.

"Beerus, hush!" Bulma shushed Beerus, preparing a way to silence him.

**Screen shows a group of Malchior people all with the heads of Lanipator grunting **

**The scene shifts back to Yemma's office **

**King Yemma: Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! **

"Please," Beerus rolled his eyes. "Both are lies! Just to prove it, I'll-"

He's interrupted by Bulma, who had grabbed some nachos and stuffed them into the God of Destruction's mouth. Normally, that would be a death sentence but the deliciousness of the nachos quickly calmed any anger he had.

**King Yemma: Also, it's a very fine material—very expensive. **

**Kami: Ooookay? **

**King Yemma (quickly): Mahogany.**

**The scene turns to black.**

"Well that was a fun episode," Goku smiled. "How'd you like it, Beerus?"

Beerus hears no one due to currently stuffing his face. Whis looks at Bulma expectantly.

"Here," she offered, holding out a plate of pigs in a blanket. Whis happily begins munching, making use of the multiple dipping sauces.

"Next, episode, next episode!" the kids all exclaimed, jumping up and down.

Goku presses button.

**And done. I hope you all liked this. A notice. I'm starting my second college semester. It's just a warning but please be ready if I take a long time to write. Anyways, see you all later!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, guys! Sorry I've been gone but with the Corona Virus, college being changed to online courses, and studying for exams, I've been ridiculously busy. Even with school over, I've recently gained a part time job that's got me busy. Anyways, I plan on making up for it and try to update as soon as I'm able.**

"Hey, Whis, can I ask you for a favor?" Chichi asked.

"Of course, Chichi," Whis smiled.

"Is there a way to make this show more child-friendly? I'm worried for the kids."

Bulma held Bulla in her arms. "I gotta say, me and Vegeta have been having similar concerns."

"As have me and Krillin," Android 18 agreed.

"Don't worry, everyone," Whis smiled. "The Grand Minister was worried of upsetting the Grand Zenos with cursing, so he cast a spell so that those within a 50-mile radius of the videos and have a child-like sentience lack the ability to hear profanity. Watch."

Whis flies over to Buu and whispers into his ear. Buu looks at Whis.

"What you say to Buu?" he asked confused. "Buu only hear weird sound."

The parents seemed to be placated by this news, deciding to watch the video.

**Kaiserneko: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. **

**The scene opens up with a full view of Snake Way.**

"It really is really long," Chichi stared. "I'm impressed you guys were able to run that."

"Well now a days I use Instant Transmission to visit King Kai," Goku said.

**Narrator: Last time on Dragon Ball Z Abridged... Goku began his journey down Snake Way. ...Wait is that some kind of innuendo? **

Roshi cackled at the line, causing Chichi to smash him on the head with a baguette.

"Don't waste food!" Beerus shouted.

**Goku is seen running down Snake Way.**

"It really is really long…" Goten says.

**Goku (in his thoughts): This is going to be the longest, toughest journey I've ever made! I have to receive King Kai's training, and battle the biggest threat to the planet we've ever faced! I have to run as fast as I can—I have to keep running! For the sake of the Earth, humanity, and my fam— **

**The camera cuts to a sleeping Goku on a moving cleanup truck. The truck bumps into something, causing Goku to fall off Snake Way and down into the clouds.**

"You fell asleep?" Krillin asked Goku, who chuckled nervously.

**Goku **_**(hits his head on Snake Way)**_**: OW, GAAAAAAAAA... **

"Didn't that guy say that you'd fall all the way down to hell if you fell?" Chiaotzu said.

"He did," Tien nodded.

"I don't see why you couldn't just fly or use an energy blast," Vegeta rolled his eyes.

**The opening sequence appears with Goku's scream fading out, which resumes at the end of the sequence.**

"Anyone else still hearing Goku scream?" Whis asked.

"Music to my ears," Frieza smiled.

**The scene changes to a screaming Goku falling straight into the depths of Hell.**

**Goku: AAAAAAHHHHH— **

**Goku crashes hard onto the floor.**

**Goku (in pain): Oowwww... **

"I don't recognize this hell," Frieza said. "Certainly, nicer than where I was."

"You were tied up to a tree while being sung to by flowers, fairies, and stuffed animals," Goku said.

Marron smiled as she imagined it.

**Two demons, one red and the other blue, appear on the screen.**

**Goz: Oh who do we have here? A little girly man, yeah? **

Goku scratched his head. "Girly? Really?"

**Goku: I'm Goku. Who are you? **

**Goz: I am Goz. **

**Mez: And I am Mez. **

**Goz & Mez: Und we are here to pump- **

**The camera cuts to a surprised Goku while a clapping sound is heard**

**Goz & Mez: -you up! **

"Why are they German?" Bulma asked.

"Oh, is that their accent?" Beerus asked. "Also, do we have any more of that crab dip?"

Bulma hands Beerus some.

**Goku (disturbed): Okay... well I'm sorta— **

**Goz (interrupting): First we are going to do a hundred squats! **

**Mez: And then lots of push-ups on the hard ground! **

**Goz: And then a bunch of jumping jacks! Ooooooooo! **

Goten and Trunk's eyes twinkle. "Sounds like a fun work out."

Trunks laughs. "But we can do better."

**Goku (even more disturbed): That...sounds like...fun. But I'm sort of in a hurry? How do I get out of here? **

"For once you're not training?" Chichi smiles happily.

"Well I already had a much better trainer in mind," Goku chuckled.

Chichi sighed in defeat.

**Mez: 'Agh, there's no way out of here; unless you manage to beat us in a test of strength and speed. **

"Just shoot them!" Frieza, Vegeta, and Beerus shout.

**Goz: Yeah, lots of running, 'und wrestling, 'und 'sveat! **

**Mez: Grappling each other on 'ze cold ground, yeah. **

"Shoot them!"

**Goku (desperate to avoid this): Okay, now let's say we went through all of that, **_**then**_** where would you say the exit is? **

"Oh come on, they're not going to fall for that!" Oolong snarked.

**Goz (points towards the exit): Oh. It's right over 'zere. **

Oolong had an annoyed look. "He fell for it."

"They're idiots…" Vegeta sighed.

**Mez: Ja, but you have to beat us first, and—**

**Mez notices**__**Goku running off.**

"Did Goku just outsmart someone?" Android 17 asked in slight shock.

"Yep," Gohan said. "Still can't believe Dad did it…"

Frieza scoffs. "That's what makes this show unbelievable."

**Mez: Ach! He's running away! **

**Goku (stops running and turns around): Oh, before I go, have you seen my brother Raditz around here? Spikey hair, tail? **

**Mez: Agh, yes, he made a horrible mess of 'ze Blood Fountain. **

"Eh? But it looks fine?" Bulma said.

**Goku (looks at the crimson waters of the Blood Fountain): Looks fine to me. **

**Goz (angrily): IT USED TO BE 'VATER! **

"Oh."

Frieza looked at it curiously. "Now if hell had a nice view like that… no it still sucks.

**Goku: Wow. Well, I'm going now! By the way, thanks for the fruit! **

**He reveals a fruit that he took from the tree.**

**Mez (horrified as he watches Goku eat the fruit): Agh! He has a piece of 'ze fruit! Agh, nein! Don't eat 'ze fruit! Don't eat 'ze fruit! **

"What's so important about fruit?" Tien asked.

"Is it yummy?!" the Saiyans and divine asked quickly.

"Wait, Goku, you ate the fruit already. Why are you asking?" Yamcha pointed out.

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Goku smiled back.

**Goku (finishes eating the fruit): Bye! **

**He leaves.**

**Goz: Oh, now we can't make 'ze fruit salad for King Yemma's barbeque! **

"Hmmm…" Beerus scratched his chin.

"What is it, Lord Beerus?" Whis asked.

"Nothing much. I'm just curious. If Earth's food is so delicious, do you think its afterlife's food would be any good?"

Whis thought about it. "We can check it out later, though I doubt it would be anything that different."

**Mez: Yeah, 'und Dabura's going to bring something totally kickass, 'und we will have nothing, 'und WE WILL LOOK LIKE FOOLS! **

"Dabura!" Gohan blinked.

"Isn't he the one who helped release Buu?" Mr. Satan scratched his chin.

"Buu remember. Buu beat him up!" Buu laughed.

**Goz: Ugh, I am so mad! **

**Mez: Yeah, let us go 'vork off our stress by doing squat thrusts 'und stretches. **

**Goz: Yeah, 'zen we'll do grappling in our speedos. **

**Mez: I'll grab 'ze oil. **

"Oil?" the kids asked.

**Grumbling, they both walk off.**

**The shift to Earth at nighttime.**

**Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Earth... Now that's got to be some kind of innuendo. **

"How is that an innuendo?" Uulong complained, with Roshi nodding in agreement. Both were then promptly hit by Chichi.

**The camera pans upward on a plateau, with a frightened Gohan looking down from the top as a wolf howls from a distance.**

**Gohan: I can't believe Piccolo left me out here all alone! How am I supposed to get down from here? **

**Piccolo (offscreen): CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN! **

"Honestly, Gohan," Piccolo said, "the answer was simple."

"Or he could have just tried flying," Vegeta suggested.

"He hasn't been trained to fly yet," Piccolo replied. "Though maybe he could have triggered it by instincts… Saiyans can fly in any environment, correct?"

Vegeta nodded but then stopped as he and Piccolo felt the anger of a certain housewife.

Bulma sighed. "I suggest you too run now."

Vegeta and Piccolo looked at each other

**Gohan: I can't even get any food or water! What should I do? **

"Do you not hear him, big bro?" Goten asked.

Gohan shrugged. "Guess not."

**Piccolo (offscreen): I SAID, CLIIIIMB DOWWWWWWWN! **

**Gohan: If only I had some sticks or reeds lying around, I could make a makeshift ladder, or a rope... **

"You really should be able to fly on instinct. Kakarot has an excuse from that head injury," Vegeta said.

"I'm just wasn't that experienced back then," Gohan said.

"You were a good teacher though," Videl smiled, hugging her husband.

**Piccolo screams offscreen in frustration.**

**The scene shifts to Kami's Lookout.**

**Kami: You have all come to train on my lookout. But since I am quite old, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Mr. Popo. **

**Kami turns to Mr. Popo.**

**Kami: Mr. Popo, you know what to do... **

**Mr. Popo: Yes, Kami. **

**The camera changes to Mr. Popo looking at Krillin, Tien holding Chiaotzu, Yamcha, and Yajirobe as a sound of a door slamming can be heard.**

**Mr. Popo: Alright maggots, listen up! Popo's about to teach you the Pecking Order! **

"Pecking order?" Mr. Popo asked.

"Sounds interesting," Beerus said, looking at Goku and Vegeta, both of whom got a bad feeling.

**The screen goes black. **

**Mr. Popo: It goes: You,**

**A picture showing the text "YOU" appears.**

**Mr. Popo: The dirt,**

**A picture showing dirt appears.**

**Mr. Popo: The worms inside of the dirt,**

**A picture showing a group of worms appears.**

**Mr. Popo: Popo's stool,**

**A picture showing a blackened censored box appears.**

A look of disgust appears on most of the viewers.

**Mr. Popo: Kami,**

**A picture showing Kami appears**

**Mr. Popo: then Popo **

**The eyes of Mr. Popo appears in the black void above the pictures.**

A lot of people jumped back from the shock of Mr. Popo's eyes just appearing.

**Mr. Popo: Any questions? **

**Krillin: Um, yeah I—**

**The scene cut to an outside shot of Kami's lookout as a punching sound can be heard, followed by a black dot falling off said lookout.**

Marron laughed. "Daddy's silly."

Krillin sighed as Android 18 pat his back.

**Krillin (as he falls off the lookout): GGGAAAAAA... **

**His scream fades out. **

**Krillin Owned Count: 3**

"Oh, come on!"

"Dear, it's okay," 18 assured him.

**Mr. Popo: Enjoy the climb back up, BITCH! Now, any more questions? **

**Everyone remains silent in fear.**

"Hmmm… this pecking order may have some merit," Beerus thought.

"Thinking of establishing something for these Earthlings?" Whis asked.

"Something like that. It won't be like the genie's pecking order, but Earth's culinary delights are always going to be on the top."

Whis smiled. "Speaking of culinary delights, pass the shrimp cocktail."

"Only if you pass the parfait."

**Mr. Popo: Good, then we can begin. **

**The scene changes to Goku running on Snake Way.**

**Goku: Okay! No more diversions! This is really important! No more sidetr— **

**He notices a house.**

"Good to know even this Kakarot has the attention span of a goldfish," Vegeta snarked.

**Goku: Oooh a house! **

**Goku stops running and looks at the front entrance.**

**Goku (thinking): **_**Is that a snake?**_

**Snake-house sucks Goku inside its mouth.**

"Aahh! Dad just got eaten!" Goten shouted.

"Didn't expect that," Gohan commented.

**Goku: ...EEEEEEEEEEEEEE— **

**Goku falls through an open door from the ceiling and hits his back on the floor, causing him to scream in pain. The scene cuts to a black screen, with a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid's intermission playing, and then a screen opens up, which is a reference to a Codec conversation in "Metal Gear Solid".**

"That music…" Krillin noticed, "and the way it looks, isn't that-"

"Metal Gear Solid!" Yamcha said happily. "Yeah I think so!"

**Servant: Princess Snake! you have a visitor! **

**Princess Snake: Ah, perfect... Now let me assess the situation from here... **

"I don't know why but this Princess Snake gives me a bad feeling," Chichi grumbled.

**Princess Snake looks out a window and notices Goku talking to a servant.**

**Princess Snake: Well, he's quite the hunk of man-meat! But what's with the hair? **

Chichi huffed. "I like his hair."

Gohan smiled, poking it. "It looks spiky but it's actually pretty fluffy.

Goten flies and pats his father's head, laughing.

**The door opens and shows Princess Snake and two servants walking towards Goku.**

**Princess Snake (thinking): **_**I just love this fur coat! Especially since I killed all the animals for it myself!**_

"That's a bit random," Roshi blinked. "She does look good in the fur coat though."

**Goku: Huh? You don't look like you be King Kai. **

**Princess Snake (blushes): What? Did my magnificent breasts tip you off? **

'They're not that big,' the females thought.

**Goku: **_**(confused)**_** W-what? **

**Princess Snake: Nothing. Are you hungry? **

**Goku: Yeah! I could eat anything right now! **

**Princess Snake: Me too... **

Chichi begins to growl like a wild animal again.

"Calm down, Chichi. Relax."

Chichi smiled at Goku, holding his hand. "I'm perfectly calm, Goku darling!"

Goku winces. "Well you're kinda hurting my hand."

Said hand had begun turning purple.

**Goku: What? **

**Princess Snake: Nothing! Take a seat! **

**The scene shifts to a table filled with steaming food.**

**Princess Snake: I killed everything here with my bare hands. Including the bear hands—It's a PUN! **

"Boo!" Puar and Chiaotzu shouted.

**Goku is seen chowing down on the food.**

**Goku (with his mouth full): I can't believe you took all this down yourself! **

**Princess Snake: I wanna take YOU down... **

"Chichi!" Bulma shouted. "I know you're pissed but if you squeeze any harder it's going to pop off!"

"Oh crap!" Gohan panicked. "Dende, healing powers, quickly!"

**Goku: What? **

**Princess Snake: Nothing! Get in the hot tub! **

**The scene changes to Goku taking a bath in a hot tub filled with red water.**

**Goku: Wow, this water's really nice! **

**A cardboard box slowly moves behind Goku.**

"A cardboard box?" Trunks said.

"Another reference," Yamcha explained.

**Princess Snake (spying at Goku from inside the box): Not as nice as your ass! **

They had managed to force Chichi's death grip off of Goku's destroyed hand, which was quickly repaired by Dende.

Whis giggled. "With that level of ferocity, maybe we should make Chichi the next Destroyer."

**An exclamation mark appears above Goku's head, along with the alert sound effect from "Metal Gear Solid" playing.**

Both Krillin and Yamcha laughed.

**Goku: Huh? **

**Princess Snake quickly moves out of the screen in her cardboard box.**

**The scene changes to Goku entering Princess Snake's castle, fully dressed.**

**Goku: Well, thanks for the food and stuff, but I've got to get to King Kai! **

**Princess Snake (runs behind Goku): No! First you must pass the test of... endurance! **

A dark look appears on Chichi's face.

**Goku: What's that mean? **

**Princess Snake: It means I want you... **

**The princess blushes and covers part of her face with her fur coat.**

**Princess Snake: Inside me! **

"This snake woman is still in the afterlife, right?" Chichi asked in a sweet tone.

"Um…" Goku stammered. "Y-yeah…? Why do you ask?"

"Use Instant Transmission to bring me there after this!" Chichi ordered. "We're going to have a little talk…."

**Goku (completely clueless): What do you mean? **

**Princess Snake: You'll see... **

**The scene changes to Goku flying away from Princess Snake in her snake form, with the "Encounter" music from Metal Gear Solid playing.**

**Goku: Aaaaaahhhh! **

"Wait, you could fly this whole time?" Vegeta asked.

"Well… I assumed I couldn't but the crazy snake lady surprised me!" Goku defended himself.

**Princess Snake: Hah! Total supplication!**

**She breathes fire directly at Goku. **

"Wow, she breathes fire too?" Goten said with sparkling eyes.

"Cool!" Trunks said, eyes also sparkling.

**Goku: Whaaaaa! Stop chasing me! **

**Princess Snake tries to bite Goku but Goku flies out of the way.**

**Princess Snake makes a lot of grunting noises as she chases after her prey. **

**Goku: Stop grunting—it's creepy! **

"It kinda sounds li-" Roshi started before Chichi gave him a death glare. "N-never mind."

**Princess Snake (grunts): Wakka wakka wakka— **

"Now a Pac-Man reference? Whoever made this must love video games!" Yamcha commented.

**The scenes changes to Princess Snake chasing Goku in the style of a Pac-Man game.**

"Definitely loved video games," Krillin agreed.

**Princess Snake: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka wakka. **

**Goku (simultaneously as Princess Snake is saying "wakka"): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—**

**Goku's eyes light up as he notices some meat.**

**Goku: Ooo!**

**He stops to quickly eat the meat.**

"That unfortunately, is something I can see our Goku doing…" Bulma sighed.

"Indeed, though now I want a meatier dish." Beerus said, nudging Bulma.

"I got it. I got it. I'll make a call."

**Princess Snake: Wakka wakka wakka wakka wak— **

**Goku (simultaneously as Princess Snake is saying "wakka"): Aaaaaaaaa— **

**The scene changes to a wasteland at nighttime. Piccolo is watching Gohan from the sky as he is still stuck on top of a plateau.**

"Oh no, I remember this," Piccolo said.

"Isn't this when…." Gohan trailed off.

"A full moon and a tail?" Vegeta laughed. "This should be fun."

**Piccolo: Oh for god's sake, now he's just standing there looking at the moon like a retarded puppy! **

Gohan winced and Chichi's anger toward's Princess Snake had once again been directed at Piccolo, who paled.

**The camera zooms out and shows Gohan looking at a full moon.**

**Piccolo: I was trying to teach him to fend for himself, but nooo, **

**As he looks at the moon, Gohan begins his transformation into a Ōzaru, becoming a giant hairy monster monkey.**

"So me and Trunks can turn into a giant monkey too?" Goten said, looking in awe as his brother turned into a giant monkey.

"Oh, we removed those when you were born," Bulma explained.

"That was not my decision," Vegeta clarified.

"Do you really want to get into this now?" Bulma raised an eyebrow. Her husband wisely backed down.

**Piccolo: He has to be a WEAK, DEFENSELESS LITTLE—**

**He gapes, finally noticing Gohan's transformation.**

**Piccolo: Wait, is he getting bigger? **

"How do you not notice that?" Tien asked.

"Not all of us have 20 20 20 vision, Tien," Piccolo defended himself.

**Gohan fully transforms into an Ōzaru and holds up a barrel, with the theme of "Donkey Kong" playing.**

Mr. Satan smiled at the Donkey Kong music. "And now Donkey Kong! Wow there are a lot of video game references in this episode."

"Eh, I wouldn't know," Gohan said.

"Didn't play much video games when you were a kid?" Videl asked.

Gohan scratched his head. "Well most of my childhood was either training to fight threats," he waves to Vegeta, Frieza, the androids, Buu, and Beerus, "studying," he gestures to his mother, "or helping out around the house to help them out," he gestures to his family in general. "So no, I never really had time for video games."

Chichi wiped her eyes with a napkin. "He's always been an outstanding young man!"

**Piccolo (surprised): Okay, that's new!**

**Piccolo (thinking): **_**Wait a second, that tail! **_

**Cue flashback of Goku and Raditz's conversation.**

**Piccolo (thinking): **_**His Saiyan blood! Does this mean...**_

"Is the flashback really necessary?" Tien asked.

**Piccolo: Everyone of Gohan's race can become a giant gorilla! **

"It took you that long to figure it out?" Vegeta asked.

**Ōzaru Gohan fires a mouth beam, destroying the nearby area.**

**Piccolo: Damn it, if he destroys everything, what will be left for me?! **

"That's what you're concerned about?" Goku asked.

"Hey, at that point I was still in my 'World Conquest' phase," Piccolo replied.

**Piccolo stares at the moon while Ōzaru Gohan continues to cause destruction offscreen, growing annoyed.**

**Piccolo: STOP MOCKING ME! **

**He fires a ki beam straight to the moon, destroying it.**

"You didn't even realize the moon was causing him to change," Frieza deadpans.

**Ōzaru Gohan shrinks, with the "Super Mario" sound effect of going down a pipe playing, and reverts to his human form, naked, which has a Dragon ball censoring both his dragon balls and power pole. Gohan then falls down unconscious.**

**Piccolo (lands next to Gohan): Hah! Take that, Moon! Perfect orbit, my ass! And— **

**He looks at Gohan.**

**Piccolo: Huh? Where'd the monkey go? Well, he's back to normal. **

**He notices Gohan's "male jewels."**

**Piccolo: Oh God, what the hell is **_**that**_** thing? **

"What do you mean, what is that thing?" Krillin asked. "You've never seen a- Oh… Yeah I forgot, Namekians are an asexual species, right?"

"Exactly," Dende nodded.

**Piccolo: Well, whatever it is, I don't like looking at it. This either. **

**Piccolo pulls off Gohan's tail.**

**Piccolo: Now... CLOTHES BEAM! **

**Firing a beam at Gohan, Piccolo puts new clothes on Gohan, as well as a sword.**

"Wow, that could be useful in a more everyday sort of way," Bulma admired the technique.

**Piccolo: That is easily my most metro attack. **

**The scene changes to Goku once again running on Snake Way.**

**Narrator: Meanwhile, back on Snake Way... **

"Innuendo!" Roshi cheered before being smacked by the mothers of the group.

**Goku: Man, that was close! Sure am glad I got away from that giant snake lady! **

**The scene cut to Princess Snake tangled up in a knot.**

The children laughed at how silly the snake looked.

**Princess Snake (grunts, trying to break free, but no avail): AAAAAAGGHHH! **

**Her scream echos as the screen fades to black, showing the "Game Over" screen from Metal Gear Solid with its theme also playing.**

**Servant: Princess Snake? Princess Snake? PRINCESS SNAAAKE! **

**Cue ending sequence**

**The scene shows Piccolo with an unconscious Gohan.**

**Piccolo: Yep, and once again wanton destruction has solved all of my problems! With absolutely no negative repercussions! **

"You destroyed the moon…" Gohan said in thought. "But wouldn't that effect the tides and environment by depriving the Moon's gravitational effects?"

_**The scene changes to Kame House.**_

**Reporter: We've got breaking news that the Earth's moon has been completely destroyed. While the long-term environmental effects can only be guessed at, preliminary speculation puts the short-term death toll from tidal effects alone, at the hundreds of millions.**

"Guess you got your answer," Videl winced at how the moon's loss effected the world.

"Sorry," Piccolo apologized. "But we got the moon back again eventually."

**Reporter: We now go to our resident expert on lunar science, Sailor Moon. Sailor? **

"Who?" most of the Z-Fighters asked.

**Sailor Moon (getting shocked): OH DEAR GOD! **

**Reporter: Thanks, Sailor! We now return you to Nick at Nite's 24-hour Full House Marathon, already in progress. **

**The camera turns black, then changes to outer space, where Vegeta and Nappa's Space Pods are seen flying through space and passes a few planets.**

**Nappa: Hey, Vegeta. **

**Vegeta: What? **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"Oh, dear god, no," Vegeta grunted.

**Vegeta: No. **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"Make it stop."

**Vegeta: No. **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"I'm gonna kill him again."

**Vegeta: No. **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"I'm gonna bring him back to life."

**Vegeta: No. **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"Then kill him again."

**Vegeta: No. **

**Nappa: Are we there yet? **

"Oh, god damnit, Nappa!"

**Vegeta: No. **

As the screen goes black, the gang goes to get the newly prepared food, which had much more meat dishes to both Beerus and the Saiyans delight.

"Dig in, boys!" Bulma smiled. "We got enough for everyone!"

"Earth food!" Beerus praised as he ate a rice bowl. "Always so delicious! This pork cutlet rice bowl is so salty and greasy! It's suberb!"

"In the meantime, let's watch the next episode!" Gohan said, grabbing the remote and pressing play.

**And done. Again, sorry it took so long, but I have been majorly busy. However, I'll do my best to make more time to write. I hoped you all enjoyed it.**


End file.
